I am wearing a skirt today , last worn almost 12 years ago. I remember this because I chose it as part of a power suit to sit my 'seniors' - the test that fully qualified me as a Senior Reporter. I was 20.
Today, skirt donned again, I am back reporting. My life, it would appear, has gone full circle. This statement in itself is enough to send me into some kind of meltdown. Having strived to 'push forward' with my life the thought of going back to the start filled me me with complete dread.
I'll be honest I'm not the best at seeing everything from the right perspective. My default setting is not selfless and outward looking, it's selfish and more than prone to some naval gazing. Pushing ahead, for me, has always involved one heck of a cause to live for. Otherwise I would naturally default to making everything about me. For me that cause is Christ and his incredible church. I have sown my life into living for something and someone way bigger than me.
There's an incredible passage in the Bible found in Habakkuk 2.
1 What's God going to say to my questions? I'm braced for the worst. I'll climb to the lookout tower and scan the horizon. I'll wait to see what God says, how he'll answer my complaint.
then in verse four:
4"Look at that man, bloated by self-importance—
full of himself but soul-empty. But the person in right standing before God
through loyal and steady believing is fully alive, really alive.
I love this passage - for me best expressed in The Message. Habakkuk is someone I can relate to. Desperate for answers, unable to get perspective on a situation consuming him he asks God some big 'why' questions. I have so been there. But Habakkuk is clever. He doesn't stay in the place of crisis - he gets above it. He looks down on it - he gets perspective and it's there God now only gives him some clarity - but points out what happens to the person who can't look from the outside in.
God calls us - so that's me too - bloated with self importance when we make everything about us. Me going 'back to the start' of my career at first was soul crushing (excuse the drama!) until I looked from the outside in and saw that I had come so far that I was now able to not need to push for work opportunities but was able to do what I love -writing! I have to say this revelation has helped me in church life too. If I make it about me I miss the incredible opportunities God has given and continues to give. Nathan and I once sat in the balcony at the Dominion Theatre in London looking down and dreaming of being part of a church - knowing leaders - getting to serve in a church like that. Dreams come true when you position yourself in order to get perspective.
The words in that passage end by saying the person who is all right in God's eyes, is the one who is loyal and faithful. Pastor Jon has been encouraging us with this very thing - that loyalty should be a character trait not just something we are for one thing or another. I don't think you can ever be loyal if you 'look in'. Looking in means you expect something of everyone else around you. If they let you down, what then, will you move your loyalty to somewhere else? Looking out means you persist and plod and give and serve regardless of how it affects you.
You know, the reason I can wear the now infamous skirt is because I have been loyal to my diet regime. Slowly but surely things are changing. If I cease with that - I'll go back to where I started. But if I keep going I'll end up being the size I was at 20. Keeping on - always takes you forward. It's stopping that takes you back to the start.
