My seven year old has picked up a new phrase; "I don't get it". He uses it randomly, haphazardly,rarely correctly but he is persistent in his claim that he doesn't get 'it'. The other day - after telling him to stop saying it for about the 10th time - he asked whether there was anything I "didn't get".
Do you want to hear them? (these are not what I told my son. Answered him by saying "I don't get why someone so clever like you would keep telling me they don't get it!")
Top three "I don't get its".
in at number one: Disconnecting because you feel disconnected.
This is a head scratcher for me every time. Usual scenario is someone pulling back from church life for various, often right, reasons. Very shortly - because they no longer attend connect group / teams nights / Sundays / vision nights / serving on team (*delete as appropriate*) they start to feel - and rightly so - disconnected. I mean, why would you feel any other way? All the people in your world, your friends from church etc, haven't changed their focus. They are still trying to juggle family, work, church and serving - so the time you used to have with them at connect group / teams nights / Sundays / vision nights / serving on team (*delete as appropriate *) isn't happening an more. Result - feeling disconnected.
But what would be the best solution to this issue?
And excuse my facetious tone for a moment - remember, "I don't get it."
Well for me, it would be to try and reconnect. Get plugged back in. One step at a time, for sure, but definitely to scratch the itch. What wouldn't be the solution would be to disconnect further - leave the church maybe - or attend services by arriving two minutes after it starts and leaving as soon as the music kicks in again at the end.
Tell me - how is this helping you feel more connected? Honestly, I don't get it.
Have I Ever felt disconnected? Absolutely. Have I done the above? I'm the master of retreat! Did it work? Never! In recent months - being based in Teesside, an hour away from other leaders in our church there's every reason to 'feel' disconnected. When I had a baby and couldn't get to everything I wanted I definitely 'felt' disconnected. Here's what I now "get..."
Feeling connected is not the same as being connected. If you were genuinely part of church life aside from your role etc - a break won't change that. But it's a two way thing. If you have ever even thought the words "why should I always be the one to text / ring / email" then you aren't waiting on a friend getting in touch - you are already feeling you are owed something. What are you contributing? What does the Bible say? In 1 Tim 5:8 we are told that we need to put the interests of our family first - if we can't run our homes why should we have a say in our churches? So yes, there are times when we need a break, need to do less, need to be at home more. But Hebrews 10:25 adds in this killer line: "do not stop meeting together as some have done".
Basically - if you want to feel connected - connect. If you want to feel disconnected - disconnect. You decide.
This is long, hey? Next two will be more brief.
Number two: I won't know as many people in a big church!
Now, actually, a kinda get this. But that doesn't mean it's not stupid.
Here's the deal - they reckon you can only really relate to about 100 people in any group / business / church etc really well. 100 people. So that's all the people in a small church (Teesside campus for example) - and a percentage of people in a bigger congregation. Agreed? Cool. So here's the real issue... If we can only ever really relate to 100 people we will be relating to exacly the same amount of people in a church of 10,000 as we would be in a church of 120 right? So is it that we won't know as many people - or that we won't know ALL the people? Or more likely, is it that most of the people won't know us? Ouchy. Ps - ideal church scenario - more new people than existing ones. It's the great commission after all (Matthew 28).
Finally - in at number three
I've never been pastored by the pastor
Now this one I really, really don't get. The biblical word for pastor literally translates as shepherd. So there's two aspects to this. 1- if what you meant by pastor was 'cared for' then simply, why do you want to be cared for by one of the busiest people you know. Would you not rather someone else - a couple maybe - offer you that love, time and attention instead of five minutes between services from the senior leaders? On that though - most senior pastors, out of a love and a care and because they pay attention to you, will want to make sure you are cared for and so because they know they can't be everywhere all at once, they allow other people to help with that.
But 2- if pastor actually means shepherd - maybe what you are expecting from your pastor is all wrong. What does a shepherd do...
Leads the flock
Protects the flock
Let's them wander (what - no midnight pastoral intervention???) at times then hooks them back in
Is above the flock (he is a man - they are sheep ) so he can practically oversee them
Provides an environment where they will be fed and watered
But answer me this, what happened in the parable of the lost sheep when one sheep wandered off? The shepherd went after it. Thank God NCLC you do have senior pastors, and campus pastors, and pastoral team, and youth pastors, and connect group pastors who all go after the one who got away. But check this out - when the shepherd was doing the 'looking' for the lost, who was looking after the flock? Erm... The flock! if you want to feel pastored - stay with the flock and help look after someone else.
Phew. All done. Rant over.
