This IS my revelation

So I have this recurring dream. I'm standing in front of lots of people - I can't quite 'see' where.

And I'm doing what you might know as the Salvation Call.

It's not slick, in the dream, it's messy. It's not articulate, but as I speak the words, people, one after the other light up like lightbulbs.

They were grey but then they glow. One after the other.

Then I wake up and all I can think about is an image of Jesus outstretched on the cross... but on the fingertips of each hand there is power coming out, like electricity in a thunder storm.

Oprah calls it an 'aha' moment. If I were to be immortalised in a comic book a flashing bulb would appear above my head, for the leadership gurus among you it would be the moment of a paradigm shift, or for me, it was simply just 'revelation'.

You get this thought. No, it's more than a thought, it's like an instantaneous belief that you don't need to work through, it's just in there.

You know it, you feel it, you ache to articulate it... revelation.

Something of God has been revealed - not to your head, although it's now found a home there too, but this now lives in your heart. And not just the emotive heart - the engine room. The part of you that gets you up in the morning, it resides in the 'override' button of your soul by passing logic and rationality and often reason, giving you cause to keep going.

It's the time when you move from knowing 'of' God to feeling like you had the 2am moment with the man of your dreams and your relationship moved from tick boxes of shared interests to 'knowing' how he ticks.

That dream for me, like the amazing song Rise on Hillsong's Cornerstone album, is my revelation.

It's not the first of its kind.

When I was 17 I had a similar line in the sand moment when I understood that God was my source. I had 'known' that. But then I KNEW it. It changed everything. I couldn't not tithe after that. God gave it to me, after all, the least I could do was honour him with the first fruits.

The simplest of concepts can be life altering if it arrives as revelation.

Like understanding that we are all in need of a Saviour. Like, all of us. All.

That was a revelation.

And from the strangest of sources. I was watching the war film, Enemy at the Gates.

And as my heart saddened, as it always does when it comes to war and humanity trying to bring about peace through violence (stupid! I mean, stupid) I found myself wanting the book to be thrown at the 'baddy'. The same thing happens when you watch the news and you hear of an awful assault on humanity and before your head has a chance to engage with your heart you find yourself wanting people 'strung up'.

And yet we have the audacity to believe that God shouldn't do the same to us. That he should somehow include us in his household because we acknowledge him once a year at a carol service or because we do something for charity, when the rest of the time our choices, decisions, beliefs and behaviour do anything but include God. Sin, simply, is believing we know better than God.

But when you KNOW that you were made to be in relationship with him, you KNOW you haven't always made room for him, so then you KNOW you need a way to restore that relationship - even though he has every right not to have us back - so you KNOW you need an advocate...

And the thing about revelation in this context - it's not for you - it's direction is toward God.

See, that dream isn't to make me think about me and my role in it, or at least that's not how it's been 'revealed' to me. Rather, it was the unveiling of who God is and what he does through Christ.

Listen to this from the book of Job Chapter 9:

³³ Oh, that^[a] there were a mediator between us;
he would lay his hand on both of us,
³⁴ remove his rod from me,

I love this image. I love that as Jesus is extended on the cross - he answers the age-old cry, 'if only there was someone who could go between me and God, who can out one hand on me and one hand on him...' Like a cosmic parent and child counselling session - needing the 'go between' to somehow right the differences and reunite the family.

I love that as Jesus reaches out to humanity as the Son of Man we resonate with his pain and his hurt and rejection and shame - and he, according to his word, understands what it means to be tried and tempted, what it means to be human. But that same Jesus, is not only Son of Man but also Son of God, the embodiment of the deity - incomprehensible - and as he stretches out he connects humanity back to its creator.

It's the dream. People 'switched off, lacking their 'power source' suddenly brought to life by understanding Jesus is the only mediator between man and God (1 Tim 2:5) and that the only way to really live is through Jesus himself (John 10:10).

And the other thing about revelation is that it brings change. So I was thinking, if we are to be 'Jesus' to a world who doesn't recognise him, with my hand firmly connected to God (through Christ) who is my other hand extending to? Whose life am I touching to help bring Jesus into the equation?

Am I looking for the most broken at the expense of the people in my world?

Am I overlooking the broken in favour of my world because I don't want to touch the untouchables?

 

I guess the final thing about revelation is that it’s the coming together of what you already know. By that I mean to say – don’t expect to get some big revelation of what God wants or has for you, or even about his own character if you aren’t seeking to know him now.


Faith comes by hearing… and hearing from the word of God. The best way for God to reveal himself to you is by you devouring what he has left of himself.


Amidst the chaos and tragedy of natural disasters I believe God is love. It was revealed to me through the cosmic love story of salvation and redemption unfolding in the Word.


Through grieving I have hope, not just because my heart holds Jesus, but because I know the story of a defeated grave and a resurrection promise – from His Word.


In despondency and fatigue I can rise – as Christ rose from the grave – because, as the song goes… this is my revelation.

What's yours?

 

What are we not?

Tuesday, 8 May 2012
What are we not?
Every night in the Bruce household ends the same way for my children. Nathan or I pray and we finish like this: "and thank you God that Micah / Corban is..." and they reply (at varying speeds depending on enthusiasm / tiredness / moodiness), "a mighty man of God, the head and not the tail, above and not beneath, a leader not just a follower, amen."



But this week the bedtime mantra was given an extra line. Specifically for my seven year old.



"And what are we not?" I prompt.


"Victims," he replies.


"Why?" I ask.


"Because God is on our side!"


Now this came about after a day of moaning. Apparently in a 12-hour period his brother was out to get him, we were making his life hard, his teacher made him work harder than anyone else, his friends were deliberately playing games he didn't like and to top it all off we know he doesn't like tomatoes on pizza and yet we put them there, and I quote, to annoy him.


Enter mum with the "we are people of a good report" speech and a talk about his victim mentality.


Now, I may be way off here, and certainly this won't help anyone in NCLC :)

But just in case... Here's a few thoughts on this. I have to stress it's not a reaction to anything, so just in case you get your 'victim' on before we even begin, this is written purely from my perspective. If you relate, great.


Here we go:

1) the devil is not God.


I think I kind of grew up with this kind of image in my head that the world was held together
In a kind of cosmic boxing match between God and the devil, like they were of equal abilities but God sort of had the upper hand. But as I read the Word more and understood a few things I came to realise this kind of theology only adds to the victim mentality we can easily take hold off. Here's why.


Satan is a created being just like me and you. He is not everywhere, only God is omnipresent. He has power, yes, but God is still God. He is sovereign. Nothing happens without his say so.
And a belief that you are under attack all the time does a few things.


- it elevates the enemy over God. Is God not on your side? Romans 8:31 - is the one in you not greater than the one of the world? 1john 4:4. Is it not FINISHED? John 19:30? Now listen I'm not taking away from the fiery darts (I'll show you the scorch marks) - nor the fact we are not fighting flesh and blood but principalities and powers... But simply, and hear my heart, it's not all about you! And if Satan is, literally, after you... Kudos. You must be kicking some kingdom of darkness butt my friend. If he's with you he is with no-one else. Good news for the rest of us as well :)


Another thing about being a victim - you have made life about, well, you! It's this kind of belief that probably came from someone like me who gave an emotional salvation appeal around the fact that if you were the only one on the earth Jesus would have still died for you...


Now listen, I believe that. But that's not the whole story. Our old faithful John 3:16 says it best... for God so loved the WORLD. Doh! It's not just about me. Me getting saved is in context of many... So what does this mean? Is being on team not a chance for ME to flourish? Is the message not for ME? Is giving not so I can receive? Well actually it is about you... But having a me-centered approach to life takes away the fact that the correct order of things has Jesus at the centre. And it's fundamentally the wrong posture to approach God. If we make it about what will be added to MY life we can start to think we deserve or are entitled to who knows what. In actual fact we come to God, through Christ, hopefully daily, understanding we owe him EVERYTHING. Romans 12:1... Lay your WHOLE life down. Yep.


Finally - for today at least - my personal favourite. And this one is personal. If you have the victim thing going on you could, with a sincere heart, Start feeling like whatever goes on, from the smallest detail (wording on a church email) to the the largest event is somehow a chance to get at you. With the greatest of respect, stop looking in a mirror and start seeing the big picture.


I can't speak in exact terms for my pastors on this one, but I can for Nathan and I.


When we turn up on a Sunday the back story is this... We quit our jobs and did Theology degrees, racking up £25k of debt between us to have the knowledge and confidence to stand before you for 25 minutes each week. That comment in the preach wasn't to get your back up, believe it or not, it was to see you grow, live a fulfilled life and see the Kingdom advance.


Quite honestly there are easier ways to 'get at you' than by serving in ministry for 10 years while holding down other jobs, being the first to arrive at 8am on a Sunday morning, spending 14-hour days every Sunday and opening our home whenever is necessary.


Now I'd be lying if I said I hadn't jumped on the treadmill of 'woe is me'. If I'm honest some Sundays I spend most of the day making it about me. What did I do right? What have I done wrong? What do they think of ME? But it is a treadmill. It keeps ME in one place and exhausted.


And so I finish this today with the words of my son.


"If I think about me mum it's like forget there's other people here."


Exactly.


And what a shame if Jesus went to all the bother of giving his life for you, offering a fulfilled life, the forgiveness to share an eternity with God, the Grace to forgive others, the power to see his Kingdom established on earth as it is in Heaven, the hope to see past death and the purpose to keep going... If we Spend our days rebuking a fallen enemy, reducing our salvation to a personal life (after death) insurance plan and and nursing bitterness over the words of friends.


What are we not?

I don't get it...

My seven year old has picked up a new phrase; "I don't get it". He uses it randomly, haphazardly,rarely correctly but he is persistent in his claim that he doesn't get 'it'. The other day - after telling him to stop saying it for about the 10th time - he asked whether there was anything I "didn't get".

Do you want to hear them? (these are not what I told my son. Answered him by saying "I don't get why someone so clever like you would keep telling me they don't get it!")

Top three "I don't get its".

in at number one: Disconnecting because you feel disconnected.

This is a head scratcher for me every time. Usual scenario is someone pulling back from church life for various, often right, reasons. Very shortly - because they no longer attend connect group / teams nights / Sundays / vision nights / serving on team (*delete as appropriate*) they start to feel - and rightly so - disconnected. I mean, why would you feel any other way? All the people in your world, your friends from church etc, haven't changed their focus. They are still trying to juggle family, work, church and serving - so the time you used to have with them at connect group / teams nights / Sundays / vision nights / serving on team (*delete as appropriate *) isn't happening an more. Result - feeling disconnected.

But what would be the best solution to this issue?
And excuse my facetious tone for a moment - remember, "I don't get it."
Well for me, it would be to try and reconnect. Get plugged back in. One step at a time, for sure, but definitely to scratch the itch. What wouldn't be the solution would be to disconnect further - leave the church maybe - or attend services by arriving two minutes after it starts and leaving as soon as the music kicks in again at the end.

Tell me - how is this helping you feel more connected? Honestly, I don't get it.

Have I Ever felt disconnected? Absolutely. Have I done the above? I'm the master of retreat! Did it work? Never! In recent months - being based in Teesside, an hour away from other leaders in our church there's every reason to 'feel' disconnected. When I had a baby and couldn't get to everything I wanted I definitely 'felt' disconnected. Here's what I now "get..."

Feeling connected is not the same as being connected. If you were genuinely part of church life aside from your role etc - a break won't change that. But it's a two way thing. If you have ever even thought the words "why should I always be the one to text / ring / email" then you aren't waiting on a friend getting in touch - you are already feeling you are owed something. What are you contributing? What does the Bible say? In 1 Tim 5:8 we are told that we need to put the interests of our family first - if we can't run our homes why should we have a say in our churches? So yes, there are times when we need a break, need to do less, need to be at home more. But Hebrews 10:25 adds in this killer line: "do not stop meeting together as some have done".

Basically - if you want to feel connected - connect. If you want to feel disconnected - disconnect. You decide.



This is long, hey? Next two will be more brief.

Number two: I won't know as many people in a big church!


Now, actually, a kinda get this. But that doesn't mean it's not stupid.
Here's the deal - they reckon you can only really relate to about 100 people in any group / business / church etc really well. 100 people. So that's all the people in a small church (Teesside campus for example) - and a percentage of people in a bigger congregation. Agreed? Cool. So here's the real issue... If we can only ever really relate to 100 people we will be relating to exacly the same amount of people in a church of 10,000 as we would be in a church of 120 right? So is it that we won't know as many people - or that we won't know ALL the people? Or more likely, is it that most of the people won't know us? Ouchy. Ps - ideal church scenario - more new people than existing ones. It's the great commission after all (Matthew 28).

Finally - in at number three

I've never been pastored by the pastor

Now this one I really, really don't get. The biblical word for pastor literally translates as shepherd. So there's two aspects to this. 1- if what you meant by pastor was 'cared for' then simply, why do you want to be cared for by one of the busiest people you know. Would you not rather someone else - a couple maybe - offer you that love, time and attention instead of five minutes between services from the senior leaders? On that though - most senior pastors, out of a love and a care and because they pay attention to you, will want to make sure you are cared for and so because they know they can't be everywhere all at once, they allow other people to help with that.

But 2- if pastor actually means shepherd - maybe what you are expecting from your pastor is all wrong. What does a shepherd do...

Leads the flock
Protects the flock
Let's them wander (what - no midnight pastoral intervention???) at times then hooks them back in
Is above the flock (he is a man - they are sheep ) so he can practically oversee them
Provides an environment where they will be fed and watered

But answer me this, what happened in the parable of the lost sheep when one sheep wandered off? The shepherd went after it. Thank God NCLC you do have senior pastors, and campus pastors, and pastoral team, and youth pastors, and connect group pastors who all go after the one who got away. But check this out - when the shepherd was doing the 'looking' for the lost, who was looking after the flock? Erm... The flock! if you want to feel pastored - stay with the flock and help look after someone else.

Phew. All done. Rant over.

Rock and roll, landmarks and the voices in my head.

So, I'm driving up the M74 heading to Scotland and suddenly I'm aware of something beautiful. There, at the side of the road, is the single loveliest thing you can see en route to the homeland... It's the sign for Gretna Services.

Okay so it's no Eiffel Tower, but it's my landmark. When I see it my brain starts telling me 'you're almost home', if I stop there the accents have changed and Irn Bru is available on tap. It spurs me on. It's a journey constant - it points me on my way - and I know how a quick stop there will leave me feeling; full - from the food, happy - hearing the accents, reminiscent - recalling the hundreds of other times I've stopped there, and ready and raring to get back on the road. My landmark pushes me on.

Landmarks do that. And when I think over the horizon of my life what landmarks will there be for other people to see? I'm not talking about one off events or places you've stopped off in - there's no need to build a monument to the baby blues or a fleeting romance. I'm talking about things in your life that are instituted. You visit them time and time again and anybody looking from the outside would know it's a landmark, a constant, something that propels you forward.

I have several.

One is Sunday. Not church - but Sunday. As a family it's a landmark day for us. We visit it every week in the same way. It's blocked out and we are committed to using that whole day as a family to serve God. For us that means serving on team, getting to all the NCLC services we can get to and because it's a landmark it actually brings strength to our family.

My boys know what to expect on a Sunday. Sure, they can expect to be tired, and yes they can also expect to eat foods normally banned (who knows sugar is a staple on a Sunday?) - but they can also expect mum and dad to have grown, they can expect us to be chatting about the message, they can expect that for chunks of the day they will be made to feel like the awesome little men we tell them the are - but by other people dedicated to raising champions. We made a decision from when we were first married that we wanted our kids to know that Sundays are not about us.

It's interesting, by the age of 21 the largest group of Christians I had ever been part of was about 500. By age six Corban had been in a room of 10,000 people. We also made a point of him watching the set up of that too. Landmark Sundays set my boys up to be leaders like this generation can't even envisage. I have to break ground for them.

Family day is another Bruce landmark. Usually a Saturday - but often starts on a Friday, it's a time when we do something - chosen by the boys - and then eat a meal together. This is a non negotiable. It happens every week. We budget to allow this to happen.

But another key landmark on the horizon of my life is Sisterhood.

And by the way here's the sure fire way to check whether something is a landmark or not? Take me and Sisterhood...

Do people invite you to things when Sisterhood is on? If yes - it's not a landmark for you - they didn't see it instituted in your life.

Do you plan other events forgetting about Sisterhood? Yeah... It's not a landmark for you... Yet!

For me Sisterhood is key for my life. I can't even count the amount of times I've needed wisdom and without even thinking too hard the voice of my fabulous pastor Dee resounds in my head. And it's not frilly or pink or even that girly. Unless you count empowering women, abolishing slavery, hands-on meeting needs in the community, great teaching, amazing connection, fun socialising and rubbing shoulders with giants in our church girly???

I mean seriously girls - why would you not take the opportunity to come alongside other women, to learn from Dee and the other great girls on the Sisterhood team, and to grow? Ps - if I lived in Newcastle I would be beating a path to Dee's door hoping to be the one to drive her to Teesside once a month. You can't buy time like that.

But here's the rock and roll part...

To have landmarks you have to plan. Me and Brucey call it rock and roll.

So in my diary I have sisterhood. It's a landmark - it doesn't move. It's the same with connect groups and team vision nights etc.

But around that there are important things - rocks. Now the thing about rocks is that you can roll them but you can't remove them. So for me, that's date night. Usually a Thursday but I could roll that a day or two either way. For me that really helps. The first things to go in are the landmarks, then the rocks and then the other stuff is like sand and pebbles. It can fit into the smallest of spaces around the most important things.

Why am I telling you this? Well tonight is a Sisterhood night. We will go and the amazing team will have prepared a space for us to gather. We will be real with one another, we will learn, be inspired and grow together. It would be such a shame if it was just a fleeting moment when it could be a cornerstone... A landmark, the thing that pushes you forward.

Can I just encourage you whether you are a Newcastle-norther, a Teessider, a Jesmondite or someone just reading the blog... Life gets messy and complicated and busy. Stuff just happens and invades our plans - but in order to keep moving forward, to keep growing and to set yourself and your family up on a course for success, let's get rockin and rolling - and visiting some landmarks.

Read more: Gen 35 Jacob returns to Bethel - blessed every time he visited that landmark

The year of giving dangerously

Let me tell you about my wee gran.

She was a petite wee silver-haired whirlwind, known throughout our village for her legendary home-baking and ability to seemingly be everywhere at once. She had six grand-children and was retired for my whole life. She lived on her own, on a state pension and a few extra pounds as a widow's pension from when my papa died.

But the one thing that will never forget about my gran was her ability to be generous with the very little that she had.

I don't know how she did it but we never went without.

And that's the thing about families - they give dangerously. Even when it doesn't make sense financially - it makes less sense not to.

As the year draws to an end (sorry, that's a bit depressing, but I didn't want to mention the ho-ho-horrible financial nightmare that Christmas can be for some) I've been looking back over our year and asking whether our lives have lived up to the values we say we believe in? Have we been living like the family - household of God (Ephesians 2:19) - that we claim we belong to?

Being in church - and in our case NCLC (www.mynclc.co.uk) - we form an amazing community. But the loss of a friend recently showed us to be so much more... we are family (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!) We have wept together, laughed together, grieved together and grown together.

But what else should the family of God be doing?

Families celebrate excellence. You know it's a family when someone excels and the rest cheer them on. I can't remember a school prize-giving when my grandparents weren't in the audience. Excellence should never be just a word, or worse, a chore. It should be something we get excited about. It reflects God.

Families protect the family name. My brother and I fought like cat and dog for years. But if anyone says anything about my brother... the same should apply for us - especially as God's household. We need to protect one another and intentionally find the best to say. I hate the expression, 'if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all'. What kind of lazy nonsense is that? Just say something nice! And when it comes to our pastors this applies even more so. They don't need flattery but the Bible makes it clear that the enemy is out to steal, kill and destroy - but just like me and my brother - he'll have to get through us first!

Families are in this together. Now listen, I understand not all earthly families get this - but that doesn't mean we shouldn't aspire to it. When it comes to it, if I have a disagreement with my 'family' I can't just walk out and find a new one. Instead we would have to work through that... we're family. And we need to see church like this too. Instead of staying offended or hurt, let's be family. And if you find it hard, make sure you get to connect group. It's incredibly difficult to sit down to eat with people you have issues with - and even harder when that meal is communion. Being with the heart of the family forces us to heal.

Families include generations. I remember my mum telling me off when I was little for being'good' for my gran and 'naughty' for her. But the truth was I behaved exactly the same in both places - it was just my gran chose to see past some of the other stuff. And you know, in our church family, we need to have every generation... and all doing what each does best. We need spiritual grannies who will see the best in a young person whose parents are pulling their hair out. We need dads for the boys, babies for the childless, wisdom from age, boldness of youth, loudness of childhood and the necessary restraint of maturity. All together.

And finally - back to my wee gran...

Families give dangerously. I don't think my gran ever thought for more than a minute about the loss of what she would have to give up for us - she just did it. I know she felt it, but because she always wanted to do more. And when it comes to playing our part as the building blocks Jesus uses to build his church I know I want to be one of those who gives dangerously. I want faith to begin with my money and end in a miracle of healing somewhere. I want my kids to grow up knowing we plan and budget to run our household but that we do that so we can be generous on all occasions.

I know this is long but I want to end by saying this. Over the last 18 months our joint finance dropped by about a third, petrol has gone up, food has gone up but... we have not dropped any of our financial commitments.
We still tithe
We still save
We still take the boys to Pizza Hut on a Saturday, and...

we now sponsor two more compassion kids than we did two years ago (a new one every year in jesus name!) -

I honestly don't say that to boast - but to say there have been times over the last year when we were squeezed, and I'm glad to say that tears weren't because we had to give up something, but only because we can't do more.

I want to encourage you... the family dynamic works two ways because God never abandons his household. He remains our provider, our shelter, our healer, our deliverer and our strength.

Could next year be the year where you also give dangerously?

I'm going back to the start... or am I?

I am wearing a skirt today , last worn almost 12 years ago. I remember this because I chose it as part of a power suit to sit my 'seniors' - the test that fully qualified me as a Senior Reporter. I was 20.

Today, skirt donned again, I am back reporting. My life, it would appear, has gone full circle. This statement in itself is enough to send me into some kind of meltdown. Having strived to 'push forward' with my life the thought of going back to the start filled me me with complete dread.

I'll be honest I'm not the best at seeing everything from the right perspective. My default setting is not selfless and outward looking, it's selfish and more than prone to some naval gazing. Pushing ahead, for me, has always involved one heck of a cause to live for. Otherwise I would naturally default to making everything about me. For me that cause is Christ and his incredible church. I have sown my life into living for something and someone way bigger than me.

There's an incredible passage in the Bible found in Habakkuk 2.

 ¹ What's God going to say to my questions? I'm braced for the worst. I'll climb to the lookout tower and scan the horizon. I'll wait to see what God says, how he'll answer my complaint.

then in verse four: 

 ⁴"Look at that man, bloated by self-importance—
   full of himself but soul-empty. But the person in right standing before God
   through loyal and steady believing is fully alive, really alive.


I love this passage - for me best expressed in The Message. Habakkuk is someone I can relate to. Desperate for answers, unable to get perspective on a situation consuming him he asks God some big 'why' questions. I have so been there. But Habakkuk is clever. He doesn't stay in the place of crisis - he gets above it. He looks down on it - he gets perspective and it's there God now only gives him some clarity - but points out what happens to the person who can't look from the outside in.

God calls us - so that's me too - bloated with self importance when we make everything about us. Me going 'back to the start' of my career at first was soul crushing (excuse the drama!) until I looked from the outside in and saw that I had come so far that I was now able to not need to push for work opportunities but was able to do what I love -writing! I have to say this revelation has helped me in church life too. If I make it about me I miss the incredible opportunities God has given and continues to give. Nathan and I once sat in the balcony at the Dominion Theatre in London looking down and dreaming of being part of a church - knowing leaders - getting to serve in a church like that. Dreams come true when you position yourself in order to get perspective.

The words in that passage end by saying the person who is all right in God's eyes, is the one who is loyal and faithful. Pastor Jon has been encouraging us with this very thing - that loyalty should be a character trait not just something we are for one thing or another. I don't think you can ever be loyal if you 'look in'. Looking in means you expect something of everyone else around you. If they let you down, what then, will you move your loyalty to somewhere else? Looking out means you persist and plod and give and serve regardless of how it affects you.

You know, the reason I can wear the now infamous skirt is because I have been loyal to my diet regime. Slowly but surely things are changing. If I cease with that - I'll go back to where I started. But if I keep going I'll end up being the size I was at 20. Keeping on - always takes you forward. It's stopping that takes you back to the start.

If you get this you get me

The first bible verse I ever learned was in Revelation. I was going along to a summer club at 'the mission' for all the kids on our estate and in order to have the privilege of sticking your hand into a big fake brick wall to pull out some kind of scripture stationery (I am and always have been a stationery junkie - the smell of the inside of a new pencil case sets me off every time) you had to learn a memory verse.

Mine was "Be thou faithful unto death and I will give you the crown of life."

As a kid, a wee girl in fact, this was awesome. I didn't know anybody from our 'scheme' to wear a crown - except the gala day queen! 

But as an adult I have reflected on that so many times of the years that I've come to realise it has shaped me.

You see back then - age six or seven - God gave me that call. He told me to be loyal and unswerving in my beliefs - knowing that I would one day be making my living in journlism. Need I say more?

In that call - that one wee verse - for me, is God's belief of me - he told me to go the distance - and he surely would not set me up to fail?

But I also know that verse was not just for me - it's in the Bible - God's living breathing word. It's for everyone.

And if you get that - you'll get me.

Why I am so often accused of 'expecting too much of people'? Easy - because I believe you can do it.

Why do i find myself feeling hurt when people don't accept an  opportunity to step up? Because I believe more for them and want more for them.

And it's for that reason that I know I am planted in the right church. I love that we believe that everyONE has a part to play and everyONE can contribute.

Of course within that there will be mistakes made - hands up, I've made them. I've given people things to do that they just couldn't handle and it's ended more often than not in tears. 

But in those times - please hear me if you find yourself in a similar situation - instead of feeling useless or hard done to or any of the other plethora of emotions involved (I've been there too btw - ask Nathan about my baptism preach where I walked off the stage crying!) - why not ask why?

Why did my leaders ask me to do that when they know I'm so busy / not skilled / not ready? Answer - because we believe in you and the great BIG god in you.

Instead of being hurt or offended at the mere suggestion of you having a part to play - why not thank God you are planted in such a great place where the leaders start from a baseline of believing in your value and your contribution to the House - not a starting point of being in negative equity having to prove yourself.

And what if you're reading this and you can't relate because you have never even had an opportunity to fail at...

Well - one, this week ask your pastor or youth worker or whoever, what can I do? And decide before hand that if it involves a toilet and a brush that you're ok with that.

Two - get on their radar. In Eph 4:11 it says Jesus gave gifts of evangelists, prophets, apostles pastors and teachers to the church to raise God's people up - why - for works of service.

If you want to step up, step out.

So there you go. Blog number 2. Sorry it's long but when my pastor spoke last night he affirmed his belief in me. I want you to know the same.

To quote our Glllllooorrriiioooussss senior pastor, Brian Houston, 'the best is yet to come.' so come on let's go the distance - you can do it!